Reminiscing

The past couple weeks (or shall I say months) have been a blast. I have literally been having the time of my life. I feel like I am praying harder and running harder in life than I ever have before. But this running does not feel like striving, nor does it feel like a works based faith. Instead, it actually feels like I am operating as a Son. I can't get away from the inner groan of the spirit that is keeping me praying, reading, and digging in the Word.

In a way I feel like I did when the Lord first showed me His love. At that moment (6 years ago) there was a zeal inside of me that was good, but immature and impatient. It seems that after that first year or two that zeal lost a little of it's intensity, but I knew I had to keep my commitments to the Lord (i.e., regular prayer, fasting, and reading the word) despite what I felt. In fact, while the Lord was gracious to give me days where He would show me his love to keep going, I rarely felt much emotion at all. Moreover, the criticisms were prevailing. My life of devotion to Jesus was apparently offensive to some and they didn't hesitate to let me know (although I'm still trying to figure that part out).

I don't want to sound completely negative, there were good seasons for sure, but more times than not the Christian life is characterized by dying to ones-self. That was what I longed to embrace. This continued on (with it's ebs and flows, and highs and lows) until the close of 2010, when my identity was really challenged. The last couple months of 2010, I felt like Satan launched an all out assault on me. At times I even felt a little like Job (though definitely not to the same extent), I would appeal to my friends in attempt to find my identity. While nothing terrible or dramatic was happening in my life, I felt as though there was. To say the least, it was a difficult semester.

Then 2011 rolled in. Things at Lee changed, leaders stepped down and leaders stepped up (including myself). Because this is my last semester at Lee, I actually didn't think I would have this opportunity. Most of my career at Lee was hidden. While I did a lot of good work for various things, it was all behind the scenes, and I felt like that was what the Lord told me to do when I first arrived.

But there was a shift this semester. The Lord took me from hiding to shining. I was launched into operating in a realm of leadership that I feel like is a piece of my destiny and calling. It's hard to put to words, and if I had to, I think I would say it similar to Irenaeus:

The Glory of God is man fully alive.

I don't want to sound young, ignorant, and immature, I can almost guarantee that the time of wrestle will come again. Like I said earlier, dying to ones-self is characteristic of the Christian life. But I do want to soak this time in so that when that day does come and the seasons do change again I can have this memory as a stone of remembrance.

Not sure why I opened my heart up just now, but I hope you were encouraged!