Reminiscing

The past couple weeks (or shall I say months) have been a blast. I have literally been having the time of my life. I feel like I am praying harder and running harder in life than I ever have before. But this running does not feel like striving, nor does it feel like a works based faith. Instead, it actually feels like I am operating as a Son. I can't get away from the inner groan of the spirit that is keeping me praying, reading, and digging in the Word.

In a way I feel like I did when the Lord first showed me His love. At that moment (6 years ago) there was a zeal inside of me that was good, but immature and impatient. It seems that after that first year or two that zeal lost a little of it's intensity, but I knew I had to keep my commitments to the Lord (i.e., regular prayer, fasting, and reading the word) despite what I felt. In fact, while the Lord was gracious to give me days where He would show me his love to keep going, I rarely felt much emotion at all. Moreover, the criticisms were prevailing. My life of devotion to Jesus was apparently offensive to some and they didn't hesitate to let me know (although I'm still trying to figure that part out).

I don't want to sound completely negative, there were good seasons for sure, but more times than not the Christian life is characterized by dying to ones-self. That was what I longed to embrace. This continued on (with it's ebs and flows, and highs and lows) until the close of 2010, when my identity was really challenged. The last couple months of 2010, I felt like Satan launched an all out assault on me. At times I even felt a little like Job (though definitely not to the same extent), I would appeal to my friends in attempt to find my identity. While nothing terrible or dramatic was happening in my life, I felt as though there was. To say the least, it was a difficult semester.

Then 2011 rolled in. Things at Lee changed, leaders stepped down and leaders stepped up (including myself). Because this is my last semester at Lee, I actually didn't think I would have this opportunity. Most of my career at Lee was hidden. While I did a lot of good work for various things, it was all behind the scenes, and I felt like that was what the Lord told me to do when I first arrived.

But there was a shift this semester. The Lord took me from hiding to shining. I was launched into operating in a realm of leadership that I feel like is a piece of my destiny and calling. It's hard to put to words, and if I had to, I think I would say it similar to Irenaeus:

The Glory of God is man fully alive.

I don't want to sound young, ignorant, and immature, I can almost guarantee that the time of wrestle will come again. Like I said earlier, dying to ones-self is characteristic of the Christian life. But I do want to soak this time in so that when that day does come and the seasons do change again I can have this memory as a stone of remembrance.

Not sure why I opened my heart up just now, but I hope you were encouraged!

Recent Events

Here's a brief update (and a random picture I took in Israel).

This semester has been difficult but great. I don't think there has been a time in my life where I have grown and learned more spiritually, practically, and academically. I was stretched more than I knew I could handle, but (of course) the Lord showed me His faithfulness. He helped me when I was in need.

In May I moved in with 3 guys who have grown to be my closest friends (John Bush, Caleb Hughes, and Steve Gilliam). We have had a blast living together, but more than that we started a home group type meeting on Monday nights that has been really powerful for our campus. Each week we have close to 60 students pack into our house and worship the Lord together. It was a great opportunity to learn about the Lord and discipleship. I also think I might have started doing something that is part of my future/calling... Teaching.

I taught 2 of our meetings and realized that it really is something that I love. I had a couple opportunities to teach when I was in high school, but at the time I didn't realize it was a gift/talent that I had, I was just doing it because of the role I was in. The Lord has given me a passion to teach/preach the bible and see people fall in love with Him. I am looking forward to more opportunities in the coming months.

Another recent update (that not many people know) is that I am actually finishing school a YEAR early. I will graduate with my Undergraduate in Theology in May! That's exciting. I have some thoughts about what I will do afterwards, but nothing definite yet. In the end there are 2 things I have on my heart to do: 1) minister to the Lord in some sort of House of Prayer setting (not necessarily IHOP), and 2) teach the bible. Right now I do not know the steps that the Lord will use to get me to those two desires, but He put them in my heart close to 5 years ago, and after waiting, the desire to do them has only grown. This proverb describes it best:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

This verse has vast eternal implications, but practically in my life I have hope to one day sit defore the Lord and gaze at His beauty night and day praying for His justice on the earth. For the past few years this hope has been deferred, but I am believing and trusting the Lord to bring it to pass as a tree of life.

One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD, And to inquire in His temple. Psalm 27:4

My soul longs, yes, even faints For the courts of the LORD; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Psalm 84:2

Chastening

The Lord is so faithful to bring us to a place of complete dependence on Him. He will do all that it takes to rid us of the props that hold us up, so that we only rely on Him. Through a strange series of events, this is the place I am in right now. While it is difficult at different times, the strangest part is that I actually want to receive this from the Lord. The reality is that this is His goodness towards me. He would rather be merciful on me and show me my weaknesses than let me continue in my arrogance.

The Lords is showing me a dimension of humility in a real way. Often we think of humility as servanthood etc, which is a huge element of humility, but another dynamic (which I am learning) is that I am not in control of my life. Sure, we can do practical things such as serve to be humble, but when God actually shows us Himself we are forced to a place of submission to His majesty. This is humility. I'm realizing again that I still cannot do anything. No matter how often I try and control my life, I will fail. It's starting to become humorous to me when I look in hindsight, because for some reason I still make plans for my life even though I know that the Lord always comes and changes them.

The most important thing in a season like this is endurance. When the Lord takes us through the fire we must be willing to receive it in humility. If this is something you can relate to I would encourage you to listen to Misty Edwards' teaching from the Prayer and Prophetic conference this past weekend at IHOP-KC. She gives and exhortation based out of Hebrews suggesting that we have to have an eternal perspective in order to persevere, because it makes our problems in this life much smaller. Click Here and look for her teaching in the Video on Demand Section.

Faith

I was doing some reading and came across a fantastic quote by Jonathan Wesley that I thought would be good to blog. Check this out:

"Pride had already destroyed the very angels of God. It was likewise in great measure owing to this, when the tempter said, 'Ye shall be as gods' (gen 3:5), that Adam fell from his own steadfastness and brought sin and death into the world. It was therefore an instance of wisdom worthy of God to appoint such a condition of reconciliation for him and all his posterity as might effectually humble, might abase them to the dust. And such is faith. It is peculiarly fitted for this end, for he that cometh unto God by this faith must fix his eye singly on his own wickedness, on his guilt and helplessness, without having the least regard to any supposed good in himself, to any virtue or righteousness whatsoever. He must come as mere sinner, inwardly and outwardly, self-destroyed and self-condemned, bringing nothing to God but ungodliness only, pleading nothing of his own but sin and misery. Thus it is, and thus alone, when his "mouth is stopped," and he stands utterly 'guilty before God' that he can 'look unto Jesus,' as the whole and sole 'propitiation for his sins.'"

Wow. I want to be humble.

Life is good...

Well, today is Easter. What a day. The day that we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, and the fact that this power gives life to our mortal bodies. Wow. That truth is far beyond my human words (and I can not even grasp what I just wrote). Wow.

On another note. I have recently been wrestling with how hard life can be, but finally the Lords grace snapped me out of it. When I get caught up in everything I have to do and get so focused on me I am just being selfish. Since I am at home I started thinking about all my parents are doing in their lives right now and it really put it in perspective. I really do not have any struggles right now. In fact, I should be rejoicing at how easy life is for me! Haha. I mean all I do is pray, learn more about God, read, and study spanish (sometimes, not nearly enough though). So basically, I am living the best life! Haha.

Well, thats it for now. Hope this encourages you. haha. Cya

Eternity

Recently I have been reading one of my textbooks for my Systematic Theology class and the Lord really began to grip my heart with some things. It seems like today most of the church is usually focused on this present evil age that we are living in and we loose site of what is coming. I noticed this so much that when I started to hear things about eternity I began to wonder if what I was hearing was even biblical. Yet, as I continue to dig in the word and read many top theologians, or any christian writers for that matter, I am seeing that this eternal perspective is not a new thing. In fact, the restoration of all things is the longing in Gods heart and the point of all of scripture. God wants to have His dwelling with man. Although it seems as if this stream of thinking has been limited to the elite and the theologians and is not very common among regular church attenders. I hate that and really want to change it!

In fact, this seems like a tragedy. This problem is not the fault of either the leaders of the regular church attender, but it is likely the fault of both of these groups. When you ask a christian what the Kingdom of God is the common answer is, “Love, Joy, Peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit.” And that is an incredible answer! But it is only one side of a two sided coin. We are living in what can be called the present evil age and are eagerly awaiting for the age to come. In this current age the primary manifestation of the Kingdom of God is love, joy, peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit, but the point is that this expression is incomplete and fallen. We do experience this now to an extent, but if that is our end goal it is depressing! Because the reality is that there is an age coming where that will be the continual sense and emotion of what we are feeling.

I would continue to rant on this, but let me briefly discuss my point in all of this. I have not been doing this very long, but personally, as the Lord has given me the grace to have an eternal perspective it has strengthened me tons more than any other type of teaching or self-help message. It seems like we are so busy trying to help people in the temporal life (which I think is completely valid, and I am not discrediting) that we are not looking beyond to what is coming. My personal experience has shown that when I see the greater glory of the coming age then my pain in suffering in this age is minimized to an extent to where it hardly even matters. Ultimately, I want to start communicating to people the Coming Kingdom instead of trying to give them practical advice of how to live their lives, because if we could just have a vision of God and eternity everything in life would start to fall together.

In 1 Corinthians 15:20 Paul is talking about the Resurrection from the dead and how Christ is only the first-fruits. It is evident through Paul’s life that He was waiting for the Immanent return of Jesus, but it did not happen in His life. When I think of this I want to live in the same way. Whether Jesus is coming back in 50 years or 500 I want to live with an urgency on my heart just as Paul did. Paul had a vision of heaven and was excitedly looking forward to the resurrection. In light of the easter season, lets rejoice that Jesus has conquered death, but more than that, that He is only the first-fruits of all of us who believe. Meaning that we will one day be raised with Him!

This is profound

My friend Josh Hawkins put out this twitter today and it really hit me. He said:

"Pride and condemnation are symptoms of the same disease - trusting in your commitment to Him instead of His commitment to you." (Click Here for Josh's Website)

That is such a profound statement and when I read it it really began to rock my heart. I often rely on my focus on the Lord and how much time I spend with Him instead of realizing His great desire for me.

Another statement that rocked my heart was something Tom Tanner said at Riverstone Church yesterday. He was telling a story about a time when he wasn't able to talk to his wife for two days because he didn't have cell phone service, and he said:

"I wasn't guilty about not talking to her, I just missed her."

This is how intiment I want to be with Jesus. To the point where I don't feel guilt and shame, but instead I just long for Him. I miss spending time with Him, not because I have too, but because I miss HIm and love Him. Wow. What a revelation.

The Yes

I was just resting and reading Song of Solomon 4:9 and the Lord just began to show me His love. All it takes is for us to have the 'yes,' inside of us. It doesn't matter how many times we mess up or fall on our faces in our relationship with the Lord. The 'yes' inside us just needs to be sincere, no matter how weak it is. When we long to be with Him, He will satisfy us.

Because of that 'yes,' He is looking down and smiling at us. He is saying, 'well done, now let me fascinate you.' The yes is something that postures our heart to receive more. We get into this weird and wrong mindset that since we haven't prayed in a few days, or weeks, than we are far from the Lord and have to go through a season of condemnation, or guilt, or something that can make right what we have done wrong. But the Lord is saying, "Just come to me. Turn your heart to me 100%."

I would encourage you to keep saying yes throughout the next couple days, even if you feel weak and feel like your yes doesn't mean anything. Try it out and see what the Lord does!

Patience

This morning I was praying through Colossians 1:11 which says,

"That you may be strengthened will all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience."

And also 2 Thessolonians 3:5,

"May the Lord direct your hearts into the patience of Christ..."

Each of these verses should have profound impact on us. I realize sometimes that I get really excited about certain things and don't want to wait very long for them. In these times we must look to Jesus. We really need to see how patient He has actually been. He died on a cross 2,000 years ago for His bride who is still ugly and divided. We as the church often fight with each other and don't love each other, but Jesus is still waiting in all His glory for a bride who is pure and spotless. When this happens, then He will return.

As I begin to meditate on the patience of Christ it gives my soul great rest to realize that He has been waiting much longer than I have for anything. He wants to give us some of His strength as seen in the Colossians passage. He who has an abundance of might wants to strengthen us with might.

As you are anxious I encourage you to pray through these passages.