Reminiscing

The past couple weeks (or shall I say months) have been a blast. I have literally been having the time of my life. I feel like I am praying harder and running harder in life than I ever have before. But this running does not feel like striving, nor does it feel like a works based faith. Instead, it actually feels like I am operating as a Son. I can't get away from the inner groan of the spirit that is keeping me praying, reading, and digging in the Word.

In a way I feel like I did when the Lord first showed me His love. At that moment (6 years ago) there was a zeal inside of me that was good, but immature and impatient. It seems that after that first year or two that zeal lost a little of it's intensity, but I knew I had to keep my commitments to the Lord (i.e., regular prayer, fasting, and reading the word) despite what I felt. In fact, while the Lord was gracious to give me days where He would show me his love to keep going, I rarely felt much emotion at all. Moreover, the criticisms were prevailing. My life of devotion to Jesus was apparently offensive to some and they didn't hesitate to let me know (although I'm still trying to figure that part out).

I don't want to sound completely negative, there were good seasons for sure, but more times than not the Christian life is characterized by dying to ones-self. That was what I longed to embrace. This continued on (with it's ebs and flows, and highs and lows) until the close of 2010, when my identity was really challenged. The last couple months of 2010, I felt like Satan launched an all out assault on me. At times I even felt a little like Job (though definitely not to the same extent), I would appeal to my friends in attempt to find my identity. While nothing terrible or dramatic was happening in my life, I felt as though there was. To say the least, it was a difficult semester.

Then 2011 rolled in. Things at Lee changed, leaders stepped down and leaders stepped up (including myself). Because this is my last semester at Lee, I actually didn't think I would have this opportunity. Most of my career at Lee was hidden. While I did a lot of good work for various things, it was all behind the scenes, and I felt like that was what the Lord told me to do when I first arrived.

But there was a shift this semester. The Lord took me from hiding to shining. I was launched into operating in a realm of leadership that I feel like is a piece of my destiny and calling. It's hard to put to words, and if I had to, I think I would say it similar to Irenaeus:

The Glory of God is man fully alive.

I don't want to sound young, ignorant, and immature, I can almost guarantee that the time of wrestle will come again. Like I said earlier, dying to ones-self is characteristic of the Christian life. But I do want to soak this time in so that when that day does come and the seasons do change again I can have this memory as a stone of remembrance.

Not sure why I opened my heart up just now, but I hope you were encouraged!

Successful

Throughout Christianity it seems like we have distorted the truth of what it means to be successful in our life with God. When we serve and give in ministries we usually don't primarily do it for the people. Most times we are not confident in who we are before the Lord and so we serve in order to prove ourselves to God. This is completely wrong. The truth is that God is in love with us and we don't have to prove anything to Him.

With this truth in place we can now serve people with a pure motivation instead of having the secondary purpose of trying to gain God's favor. This truth has started to rock me. I have been trying to serve in this way and it makes life so much easier. It makes it to where we want to serve people because we are doing it while delighting in the father.

SO GOOD!

The Yes

I was just resting and reading Song of Solomon 4:9 and the Lord just began to show me His love. All it takes is for us to have the 'yes,' inside of us. It doesn't matter how many times we mess up or fall on our faces in our relationship with the Lord. The 'yes' inside us just needs to be sincere, no matter how weak it is. When we long to be with Him, He will satisfy us.

Because of that 'yes,' He is looking down and smiling at us. He is saying, 'well done, now let me fascinate you.' The yes is something that postures our heart to receive more. We get into this weird and wrong mindset that since we haven't prayed in a few days, or weeks, than we are far from the Lord and have to go through a season of condemnation, or guilt, or something that can make right what we have done wrong. But the Lord is saying, "Just come to me. Turn your heart to me 100%."

I would encourage you to keep saying yes throughout the next couple days, even if you feel weak and feel like your yes doesn't mean anything. Try it out and see what the Lord does!

Today is Today

Well, today is today. Not sure where that came from, just felt like doing it. There have been a lot of incredible, fun, life changing, excellent things going on lately, and sometimes the only things I know to do is thank the Lord for where He has me. At the same time though this it is hard, grueling, gut wrenching sometimes. But, the Lord is Sovereign and in control.

Trusting in the Lord is a difficult thing to do, and this week I have really experienced that. It is so easy to just decide to quit everything and do what you really want to do (or what you think you really want). But then you realize then you realize that that would not be who God created you to be. We are overcomers, and if we are where the Lord wants us to be then we need to walk there in our identity as He has called us.

This is what I have been learning in a big nutshell. This applies to multiple facets of my life (especially in the past week). It is time to consciously fight for our identity. If we don't then Satan will subtly come and speak lies which we usually end up sowing. Thus, where there is a sowing of something naturally there is a reaping. If we sow lies we are reaping a false identity. I challenge you today - Fight.