Reminiscing

The past couple weeks (or shall I say months) have been a blast. I have literally been having the time of my life. I feel like I am praying harder and running harder in life than I ever have before. But this running does not feel like striving, nor does it feel like a works based faith. Instead, it actually feels like I am operating as a Son. I can't get away from the inner groan of the spirit that is keeping me praying, reading, and digging in the Word.

In a way I feel like I did when the Lord first showed me His love. At that moment (6 years ago) there was a zeal inside of me that was good, but immature and impatient. It seems that after that first year or two that zeal lost a little of it's intensity, but I knew I had to keep my commitments to the Lord (i.e., regular prayer, fasting, and reading the word) despite what I felt. In fact, while the Lord was gracious to give me days where He would show me his love to keep going, I rarely felt much emotion at all. Moreover, the criticisms were prevailing. My life of devotion to Jesus was apparently offensive to some and they didn't hesitate to let me know (although I'm still trying to figure that part out).

I don't want to sound completely negative, there were good seasons for sure, but more times than not the Christian life is characterized by dying to ones-self. That was what I longed to embrace. This continued on (with it's ebs and flows, and highs and lows) until the close of 2010, when my identity was really challenged. The last couple months of 2010, I felt like Satan launched an all out assault on me. At times I even felt a little like Job (though definitely not to the same extent), I would appeal to my friends in attempt to find my identity. While nothing terrible or dramatic was happening in my life, I felt as though there was. To say the least, it was a difficult semester.

Then 2011 rolled in. Things at Lee changed, leaders stepped down and leaders stepped up (including myself). Because this is my last semester at Lee, I actually didn't think I would have this opportunity. Most of my career at Lee was hidden. While I did a lot of good work for various things, it was all behind the scenes, and I felt like that was what the Lord told me to do when I first arrived.

But there was a shift this semester. The Lord took me from hiding to shining. I was launched into operating in a realm of leadership that I feel like is a piece of my destiny and calling. It's hard to put to words, and if I had to, I think I would say it similar to Irenaeus:

The Glory of God is man fully alive.

I don't want to sound young, ignorant, and immature, I can almost guarantee that the time of wrestle will come again. Like I said earlier, dying to ones-self is characteristic of the Christian life. But I do want to soak this time in so that when that day does come and the seasons do change again I can have this memory as a stone of remembrance.

Not sure why I opened my heart up just now, but I hope you were encouraged!

Chastening

The Lord is so faithful to bring us to a place of complete dependence on Him. He will do all that it takes to rid us of the props that hold us up, so that we only rely on Him. Through a strange series of events, this is the place I am in right now. While it is difficult at different times, the strangest part is that I actually want to receive this from the Lord. The reality is that this is His goodness towards me. He would rather be merciful on me and show me my weaknesses than let me continue in my arrogance.

The Lords is showing me a dimension of humility in a real way. Often we think of humility as servanthood etc, which is a huge element of humility, but another dynamic (which I am learning) is that I am not in control of my life. Sure, we can do practical things such as serve to be humble, but when God actually shows us Himself we are forced to a place of submission to His majesty. This is humility. I'm realizing again that I still cannot do anything. No matter how often I try and control my life, I will fail. It's starting to become humorous to me when I look in hindsight, because for some reason I still make plans for my life even though I know that the Lord always comes and changes them.

The most important thing in a season like this is endurance. When the Lord takes us through the fire we must be willing to receive it in humility. If this is something you can relate to I would encourage you to listen to Misty Edwards' teaching from the Prayer and Prophetic conference this past weekend at IHOP-KC. She gives and exhortation based out of Hebrews suggesting that we have to have an eternal perspective in order to persevere, because it makes our problems in this life much smaller. Click Here and look for her teaching in the Video on Demand Section.

2nd Coming

I am currently stirred with urgency about the Second Coming. It is discouraging when this topic is brought up among the church because of how taboo it is. Throughout the past 100 years there has been many ideas proposed concerning this topic, and because of this there has been a mysterious confused precedent set to approaching the book of Revelation, or any eschatology (study of last things). This is an understandable problem, but after going to Israel I am stirred with urgency to pray for the spirit of wisdom and revelation about the coming hour.

In 1948 Israel was restored back as a country for the Jews and then in 1967 Jerusalem was set back up as the capital of this city. Not only is this one of the best proofs for Christianity, but arguably one of the greatest miracles in all of history. 1900 years ago their city was destroyed. The Roman Empire made it illegal for Jews to enter. Not only did it's people not lose their ethnicity, but they kept their original language which some scholars say could be 3,000 years old. This is incredible. The Messiah will not return until all of Israel cry's out, "Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord." Jesus quotes this in Matthew 23:39 and it comes from Psalm 118:26. The people of the city said it in the day of Jesus, but He was addressing the Leadership in the city (the Sanhedrin). For 2,000 years this was impossible, but now it is possible again.

In Romans 10 and 11 Paul Talks about His desires for Israel to be saved and says that this "mystery" will happen before the restoration of all things. These are statistics given by David Sliker,
In 1999 there were 2,200 messianic believers in Israel. In 2009 there were 10-15,000 Messianic believers in Israel. In 10 years the number of believers has increased by 700%. That is unbelievable.

There are many other things concerning this that are happening in the earth today, but the point is that we must watch and pray. In Mark 13:33 Jesus says, "Watch and pray, for you do not know when the time is." We are commanded to know the times and seasons that we are living in. For 2,000 years the 2nd Coming has been impossible, but for the first time in history the scriptures are lining up and its likelihood is increasing. I encourage you to pray about this and ask the Lord to open your eyes to what the Spirit is saying in this hour.

Update - I highly recommend this article by Josh Hawkins - Click Here!

Wilderness Outcry

I want to encourage and recommend this to all of you who are hungry for the Lord to break into America. This gathering is going to be powerful and I can't wait to see what happens. Please Visit http://www.wildernessoutcry.com/ for more information. This thing is going to shake the nation.

This is profound

My friend Josh Hawkins put out this twitter today and it really hit me. He said:

"Pride and condemnation are symptoms of the same disease - trusting in your commitment to Him instead of His commitment to you." (Click Here for Josh's Website)

That is such a profound statement and when I read it it really began to rock my heart. I often rely on my focus on the Lord and how much time I spend with Him instead of realizing His great desire for me.

Another statement that rocked my heart was something Tom Tanner said at Riverstone Church yesterday. He was telling a story about a time when he wasn't able to talk to his wife for two days because he didn't have cell phone service, and he said:

"I wasn't guilty about not talking to her, I just missed her."

This is how intiment I want to be with Jesus. To the point where I don't feel guilt and shame, but instead I just long for Him. I miss spending time with Him, not because I have too, but because I miss HIm and love Him. Wow. What a revelation.

The Yes

I was just resting and reading Song of Solomon 4:9 and the Lord just began to show me His love. All it takes is for us to have the 'yes,' inside of us. It doesn't matter how many times we mess up or fall on our faces in our relationship with the Lord. The 'yes' inside us just needs to be sincere, no matter how weak it is. When we long to be with Him, He will satisfy us.

Because of that 'yes,' He is looking down and smiling at us. He is saying, 'well done, now let me fascinate you.' The yes is something that postures our heart to receive more. We get into this weird and wrong mindset that since we haven't prayed in a few days, or weeks, than we are far from the Lord and have to go through a season of condemnation, or guilt, or something that can make right what we have done wrong. But the Lord is saying, "Just come to me. Turn your heart to me 100%."

I would encourage you to keep saying yes throughout the next couple days, even if you feel weak and feel like your yes doesn't mean anything. Try it out and see what the Lord does!

Longing for Jesus

Recently I have been realizing more and more my need for Jesus. I have returned to school for the spiring semester and am seeing what a conscious effort it is going to take to fight to keep my heart alive. I want Jesus to be the only thing I depend on.

I have been reading a book by Dana Candler fro IHOP called, "Mourning for the Bridegroom." It's a fantastic book and I highly recommend it to any follower of Jesus. We are in a season that is between the 2 advents of Jesus and since we are ultimately made to be with Him we should long for Him.

This groan on the inside of us is a gift from Him, and it increases our love for Him.

Interesting

Well, I was doing pretty good for a while as far as the consistency of my blogs were going. But I decided to drop the ball. This just seems like the most logical thing to stop doing when things get a little busy. For all you readers who are out there (if any other than myself) I do apologize for letting you down. Like I said, things have been quite busy... but at the same time pretty good as well.

About a week ago I went on a retreat with a few of my Professors to Horns Creek. It was a fantastic retreat. My favorite was getting to know the professors in the Religion department of my school. There are some great people at Lee that I had no clue about, but now I do.

That is the biggest thing that has been going on. Other than that I have been longing to love Jesus in the manner that He is worthy of. Sometimes I just feel so lovesick. There are obligations that take up a lot of my day sometimes and I really just want to rest and hang with Jesus. In sum, I long for the day when we will dwell with God and He will walk amongst us in complete unity and love.

Thanks for reading!

Hunger

Wow. Life with Jesus is an interesting thing. It seems that the longer we are in this relationship and the more that it seems we should know, the less we actually feel we know. As we continue to go on it is like our capacity for hunger increases and we are never satisfied. A good friend phrase it this way, "When you ask God to fill you up He does, but at the same time he expands the capacity of what you hold." So it is like we are filled, but now we still are full because he filled our hearts, then he expanded them. (I am not sure if that makes since to you, but it did to me).

As humans we are in utter need of God to come through for us. We have to depend on Him for every little aspect of our life.

Here is one more little nugget. I have been looking at the B-Attitude in matthew 5 a good bit lately. These statements are critical in Gods Kingdom. They are things that are really precious to His heart. As I was reading them there was one thing that was really highlighted to me. First, to an extent these can happen in this age, but I feel like a big point of these is to contrast the to ages. For example, when it says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." This is primarily pointing to the age to come when we will be completely comforted. The point is that we are supposed to mourning for Jesus today because He is not with us. Jesus also says this in matthew 9:15.

I have also been seeing an interesting comparison between the prophet Jeremiah and Jesus' definition of the Kingdom. But that will be my next post, hopefully.

Have an excellent day!!!